I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
