So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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