I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
