We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
