At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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