Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
