some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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