Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
