Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
