This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
