I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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