We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he was CRYING into my vagina
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
