sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
