He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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