someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
