You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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