I wish my penis had an off switch
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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