I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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