dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
