Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
