sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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