I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
