What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
