I CAN MOONWALK!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
