If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
