Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
