girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
