they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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