Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So drunk its hurt
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
