Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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