So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
