He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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