If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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