Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
