i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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