but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
