Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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