So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
