The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
