So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
