Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
