after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
