So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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