nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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