I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's always time for handjobs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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