is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
