why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
