i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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