Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
