Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My ass is underappreciated
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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