I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
