Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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