I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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