During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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