new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
