I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
