uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Damn victory sex feels great
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