How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
