he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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