You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
zippers are such a cool invention
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
