i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
