i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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