she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
