I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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