Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
