A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
