Sry I called you an 8
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
