eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
